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Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

My Husband With Daughter......

Thu, Jan 31st 2013

My husband's daughter and family live in Texas and we live in Hawaii. He has a 10 year old daughter there who stays with us over the summer for nearly 3 months. We go there, to Texas or she comes here over Christmas break, and etc. I have an 11 and a 14 year old girl living with me.

Last week my husband went home, packed his things and told me that he was moving back to Texas because he couldn't be away from his daughter anymore. Nothing has happened in our relationship. it's very good and we love each other very much. We also work together running my family business. By the time he left the following night he said that he can't leave me either and promised that he would be back in 2-3 weeks after his daughter's birthday.

I know and understand that being away from her is very hard on him. His divorce agreement demands daily contact by phone or skype but his ex makes sure this doesn't happen. He is plagued with guilt being away from her and getting closer to my girls makes this worse.

Now, a week later, he hasn't said that he's not coming back but has asked if we could make it work to have him stay there and work. He says he can make more money there, in Texas. H wants to live there while I live here and we can see each other when we can.

We've only been married for 7 months and we had discussed many times before deciding to get married that, if it was too hard for him to be away and make a life here, that we needed to not get married. He still says that he loves me, will never cheat, doesn't want to be with anyone else, wants to stay married and I feel the same.

Does the commitment we made in marriage mean that he can do this and I'm supposed to be ok with it? He now seems to want a part time wife that lives in another state. I feel selfish because that's how he feels. He is with his daughter but he did make this decision knowing what it meant. Do I go along with this indefinitely? Do I give up and move on? How can I force him to make a choice between his wife or his daughter?

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