How long have you been together? 10 years, married for 8
What is your age range? 30-35
Please share your story: My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I knew when we got married that I would always be the more ambitious one, the career-oriented, educated, create-a-nest-egg, want-it-all type and that he is more of the opposite - play video games and lacking the passion to really take the lead. This is the problem. We ebb and flow with our connection.
Right now, emotionally, we are doing okay, but what started as me knowing we wouldn't always be equal has turned in to me feeling as though I'm being used. He's laid-off again. It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything when I'm working 10-12 hour days. He tried returning to school, and all we benefited from that was additional student loans (this has happened twice). He only does the minimal in job applications unless I get on him and continues to use the economy as an excuse and isn't willing to do what he has to do to bring in more of his share.
My promotions has us in the exact same financial situation as we were in 3 years ago. I'm sick of being stuck! I want to have kids, but it's not something that we get to do the "easy way" yet he "can't make up his mind about it."
We both want to travel but are drowning in debt. I keep seeing my career go up and it's like he wants to ride my coattails. Splitting up has been discussed a couple of times, and many of my friends and family feel as though enough is enough. He's not a bad person, just has a predisposition for laziness. I have tried every angle, being supportive, being an example, arguments, incentives, but am at a loss and feel as though my life is just wasting away. I also don't need to have a child since it's like I'm already supporting one!
At what point is enough, enough? Breaking things off would hurt us both, but I feel as though we are hanging by a thread and he only gets motivated when he might have to move in with his parents because he has no other options. I don't want to end my marriage, but I also want someone who wants to take care of me too - and be a little less concerned about his own creature comforts and can man up. I don't want a life of regrets.
We clearly are becoming more and more of opposites.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
Marriage Corner staff respond to your marriage problems questions from the perspective of training in clinical mental health and psychotherapy.
The intent of Marriage Corner and Mentalhelp.net is to provide to provide general educational information to the readership of this website. Responses from staff and readers should not be understood as psychotherapy or specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by the Mentalhelp.net staff or to people making their submissions. No correspondence takes place.
Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. MentalHelp.net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. This includes making any changes to your personal relationships. If you are taking medications or are in psychotherapy, do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication and do not stop psychotherapy without first consulting with your physician or psychotherapist.